tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
