i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
