Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
