I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
