There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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