he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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