i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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