You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
