I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
