Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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