There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All the doctor said was why
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
