I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
