he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
