I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
