Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
