Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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