i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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