Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You can't special order awesome
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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