i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
