how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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