you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
