drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
