You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
