Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
