I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
