I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
