Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
