In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
