The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
