I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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