you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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