she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
