I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
