you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
