Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
