the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
