I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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