At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize