Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize