NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
