Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
