just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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