Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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