When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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