I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
