We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
