I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
