first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
