Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
