member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
