Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
