so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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