I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
