there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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