You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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