dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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