but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
