I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
