dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize