You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
