Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
