I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize