I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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