Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
