He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
