Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
